It was 11:41 pm. Normally I’d be asleep. But last night I wasn’t. I was up. Thinking. Thinking about the events of the day, and how I was going to replace a broken lens.
You see, I’d been letting my daughter take pictures with my old camera body. We’re making an alphabet book. It’s really quite cute, and in the near future I’ll be posting some of its contents. She was done with the camera, and I saw it lying on the table. I knew it could easily be knocked over. So, I tenderly picked it up, and placed it in the office. Safe. My kids don’t just come into the office and grab camera equipment. Safe. We ate lunch. I quickly snuck off to the office to send some emails.
Then, in one fatal swoop, my sweet little four year old came waltzing into the office, stated “I want to take pictures”, and grabbed, and dropped, the camera. Lens down. On to the floor. Before I could even realize he was in the office. I think it’s life flashed before my eyes. It arriving in the mail just in time for the first portraits I would ever do for anyone other than my immediate family… There it was lying on the floor. I think my life flashed before my eyes. I hoped against hope it was ok. I felt a little surge of panic. I picked it up, and decided to try it out. Click click. But no focus. My heart dropped into my stomach. I switched to manual focus. The ring just went around and around. I could’ve gotten mad. I wasn’t though. After all people are always more important than stuff. I gave my guy a little lecture about touching things without asking, and then sat down out of sight to cry a little.
And so, at 11:41 I was awake. Thinking of ways to replace the lens. Brainstorming all these ideas to make some extra money. By, like, tomorrow. Trying to combat a lot of self-doubt. Trying to figure out an easier way. Going through the house, item by item to figure out what I could sell. I went back to bed. Had a little conversation with my husband about how he didn’t mean to copy me, and he would open his hand and let it go??? I asked him what he copied. He told me “your hand”. He talks in his sleep sometimes. I find it humorous. One time he was telling me about the BBQ, and I told him it was on fire. It’s fun to mess with peoples subconsciouses.
I rolled over. Everything would be fine. Even if I couldn’t replace it at the moment. It would all be fine. I hope I will always think of stuff, as just stuff. I hope, that if I ever place more value on a lens than the people I love, I’ll stumble upon this post. And see, it’s just a lens. I hope that David will talk in his sleep again soon, so I can tell him about it the next morning.
And because hydrangea’s are prettier than lenses: